I was watching Pride & Prejudice (2005 version) for the umpteenth time, and I once again marveled at the politeness of interaction. You acknowledge the other person and give a slight bow or curtsy, then you enquire how they are and how their family is. A conversation starts up, then they get down to business if there is any to discuss.
Lately I have been noticing how manners seem to have flown out the window in our new and fast world of compressed communications. Let me give you a few examples.
Have you noticed that some people may only contact you when they need something from you? You get an email or text message that says something like:
Hey! I am working on something. Can you help?
No hello. No asking how you are. No nothing, but they need something from you.
A little better is:
Hi! How are you? (waits for the “I’m okay.” response, then…) I am working on something. Can you help?
They at least ask how you are. Instead of starting a conversation first, they launch straight into what they need from you.
Now multiply these messages by the length of time that has gone by, and you get an increase on the bad manners meter.
I had someone that contacted me in April. Then I never heard from them again until August when they needed something from me. In April, they were supposed to get some information for a project we were going to be working on. They never got back to me for 6 months until they needed something, and they never did follow through on what they said they were going to do for me.
Sure you might be busy, but it just makes it harder to work together with this type of communication.
From these examples we can formulate the top 3 Miss Manners mistakes:
- Launching into what you need without saying hello and having a conversation.
- Not communicating with you unless they need something from you.
- Not following through on what you said you would deliver and only communicating when you need something.
Again, the time in between communications also adds to the missed manners.
Next time you want to start a communication with someone, perhaps consider the days of ol’ for politeness in building your relationships. Because, manners matter!
Cheers to happy and loyal audiences,
Shoshana
